Michael Santos Blog

Two months after the passage of historic legislation designed to reduce recidivism, administrators continue with obstacles that hinder successful transitions from prison to society

In April of 2008, President Bush signed the Second Chance Act of 2007. According to an overwhelming majority from both houses of Congress, the legislation had several purposes. Primarily, the law exists to break the cycle of recidivism. One of the changes Congress enacted was to extend possibilities for access to halfway house placement. Unfortunately, administrators in the institution where I’m being held have thus far refused to recommend inmates for maximum halfway house placement.

With the Second Chance Act, Congress stated that federal inmates were now eligible to serve the final 12 months of their sentences in a community corrections center. Inmates could serve up to the final six-months of that 12-month window on home confinement. By providing that opportunity for inmates to serve the final portion of their sentences in a community corrections center, Congress hoped to help offenders rebuild ties to the community. Such change would enhance their ability to transition from prison into law-abiding citizens.

Although I expect administrators will modify their rigid stance and implement the policies to fulfill the intentions of Congress by 2010, it may take litigation to push them along. As of this writing, administrators in this facility resist this need for change from the you’ve-got-nothing-coming mentality. Instead of providing inmates with a clear path to maximum halfway house placement, policies here are to award minimal halfway house placement. Clearly, those who preside over such policies ignore the struggles inmates will face upon release from confinement.

No inmate leaves prison with intentions of failing to make a successful transition. Yet as Congress pointed out through the historic Second Chance Act, nearly seven of every ten people who leave prison return to confinement. The flawed policies of the past are at least partly to blame. With time restrictions on access to visiting and telephone, inmates lose their support systems as they spend time inside federal prisons. Congress authorized the extended halfway house provisions as a good-faith effort to help inmates strengthen their community ties. Prison administrators, however, ignore or diminish this need. Despite specific language in the legislation citing that “families are an often underutilized resource in the reentry process,” administrators at this prison are using evidence of such support as a reason to prolong an inmate’s stay in prison and minimize his access to halfway house placement.

Danny’s case presents a twisted example. He has been incarcerated for longer than 11 years. Despite repeated requests for transfer to a prison closer to home, for the past four years administrators have kept Danny out of state. He has not had a single visit in longer than five years. He is 38-years-old now and within one year of his scheduled release date. During Danny’s imprisonment, he has maintained a record that is free of any disciplinary conduct; he has earned two college degrees; he has participated in volunteer community projects that allow him to travel into society without escort or restraints. Clearly, Danny does not represent a threat. 

Danny requested 12-months of halfway house placement. To bolster his argument for consideration, he explained to his case manager that he had never held a job in his life, yet he wanted desperately to succeed upon release. While living in the halfway house, Danny pointed out that he would have to 1) secure employment; 2) save money necessary to rent an apartment, including a deposit, first, and last month payment; 3) save money to purchase transportation; 4) save money to purchase clothing; 5) pay for his living expenses while he served time in the halfway house; and 6) re-acclimate himself to society after longer than a decade in prison. He must also agree to forfeit 25 percent of his gross pay as a condition of living in the halfway house. Danny seemed a perfect candidate for the full 12-months of halfway house placement that Congress authorized with the Second Chance Act.

Danny’s case manager, however, told him that she would submit him for only between five and six months of halfway house placement.

“Five or six months,” Danny protested, “that won’t be enough time. I’m a felon without any work history. I expect to struggle in finding employment and may not earn more than $10 per hour. To fund my transition into society I’ll need to save a minimum of $4,000. How can you expect me to do that in only five to six months?”

“Records show that your family has been sending you an average of $100 per month,” his case manager responded. “They should help you.”

“They’ve been sending me that money to pay for my phone calls because I’ve been locked up out of state. That’s the only way we’ve been able to stay connected, but my mother lives in a trailer and she’s in her 60s. She can’t afford to help me. I’m 38 and need to take care of myself. Are you telling me that the responsible approach for me to take upon release is to leech off my family?”

“Our policy says you’re only entitled to between five and six months,” his case manager said. “That’s all I’m submitting you for. The rest is up to you.”

Danny’s prison record showed that he had acted responsibly, as was evidenced by his minimum-security rating. He was also realistic about the high hurdles that awaited him upon release. Congress was moving in the right direction to fight recidivism when it authorized administrators to provide inmates like Danny with up to 12 months of halfway house placement. Prison case managers at this institution, however, refused to budge. Rather than providing a path for Danny’s successful re-entry, they were setting Danny up for failure upon release. Ironically, the efforts he made to maintain family ties during his eleven years of confinement have disqualified him from maximum halfway house placement.

Inmates need time to make the transition from prison to society. Until administrators begin encouraging all inmates to earn maximum halfway house placement, however, they continue the status quo and facilitate the high recidivism rates Congress is trying to avoid.

Description of my participation in dynamic personal growth seminar at Taft Camp, led by Scott Evans.

As a long-term prisoner I am grateful for every opportunity to learn and interact with society. Yesterday, on April 11, 2008, I felt fortunate to attend a three-hour personal growth seminar that administrators at Taft Camp coordinated. This meaningful program introduced concepts that added real value to the lives of each participant.

Scott Evans, a film producer and leader of the Pass It On movement, volunteered his time to coordinate a learning seminar for 50 inmates. His dynamic presentation inspired those of us in the audience to realize we had power within us, despite our confinement, as we could take steps to become more balanced and accomplished individuals. By contributing to the lives of others, Scott showed us how we could actively participate in the advancement of society and thereby enrich our own lives.

When I saw a sign-up sheet for the seminar on a prison bulletin board, I didn’t really know what to expect. The notice announced a class on entrepreneurship. As I arrived at the room where the class was scheduled to take place, however, I discovered that a community leader would be suggesting strategies that would lead to more fulfilling lives. So the lesson would not be on balance sheets, income statements, or managing business ventures, as I would have anticipated from a class on entrepreneurship. Instead, this seminar would offer more lasting value by introducing steps we could take to enrich the world around us. This was a gift I could appreciate.

Scott’s Pass It On organization leads these types of personal growth seminars to audiences across the continent, and our prison’s chaplain had attended one in Toronto. Impressed with Scott’s presentation, the chaplain told Scott about Taft Camp. This effort to help others grow and reach their highest potential may not be religious in nature, though it is a kind of ministry. Together, our chaplain at Taft and Scott coordinated the Pass It On seminar for inmates confined here.

We listened as Scott described effective steps for a pursuit of happiness. He encouraged us to embrace concepts like living in a state of gratitude, helping others find meaning and direction in their lives, using goals and action plans. Those were proven methods to succeed, and Scott bolstered his message by showing an inspirational film that he produced.

The film featured personal anecdotes from individuals who made enormous contributions to society and achieved extraordinary levels of success. Some were business leaders who employed tens of thousands. Others were world-class athletes. Authors, entertainers, and professional speakers offered testimonials describing how living by universal laws of success empowered their lives with a rejuvenating energy. Through that energy, those spokespeople told how they willed happiness and fulfillment into their lives.

Following the film and our discussion, the participants broke into smaller groups to explore how we as inmates could incorporate those principles into our adjustment through confinement. The chaplain facilitated the discussion for my group; his sincerity and interest in the unique challenges that accompany imprisonment impressed me.

I have more than 20 years of imprisonment behind me. As a consequence of relying upon the concepts that Scott teaches through his Pass It On Seminars, I have been blessed with many gifts. For example, publishers distribute books I have written internationally. National media attention has brought thousands into my growing network of support. Most importantly, I enjoy a thriving marriage despite the limitations of confinement.

By allowing Scott Evans to teach his program to offenders confined at Taft Camp, our chaplain and this administration sew seeds of hope. This level of support encourages me, as I thirst for meaningful opportunities to connect with society and prepare for the challenges that will accompany my re-entry. I hope to learn from and contribute to more growth opportunities in the future. And through powerful programs like Pass It On, I hope to see more offenders join my commitment to prepare for law-abiding and meaningful lives upon release.

Speech on Second Chance Act
By Michael G. Santos

I delivered this speech from memory to a large audience at a Toastmasters Group meeting at Taft Camp on March 31, 2008 to share my understanding of the 2nd Chance Act.

Good morning Toastmasters and guests. Thank you for the honor of your attendance and attention.

I want everyone in this room to know that I stand here with an immense amount of optimism, and I am convinced that my good spirits come with a sound basis in reality. As most of you know, on Tuesday, March 11, the United States Senate passed The Second Chance Act of 2007. Members of the House of Representatives passed that same legislation late last year. According to a March 12 report from the Wall Street Journal, the Bill will be sent to President Bush for signature. The process has thus begun to make the Second Chance Act law.

Many people here at Taft Camp have questioned me on whether I think this legislation will change anything within the federal prison system. I do.

Others have expressed pessimism, believing that administrators will drag their feet in implementing changes, and that in the end, all policies will remain the same. Although I can understand and appreciate such cynicism, my experience compels me to respectfully disagree.

To explain the position that I am taking, I want to discuss this legislation from a historical perspective. Then I will provide details that Congress has published with the Act, and there are many. Based on those details, I have taken the initiative to offer suggestions for administrators both at this institution and within the BOP, and I will share those suggestions with you.

As I said, I want to begin from a historical perspective. What I would like to do is take you all back to 1989. Back then, I don’t expect that anyone in this room—other than me—was thinking about the criminal justice system. Certainly none of you thought that the possibility of serving time in prison would have been a complication you would have to confront.

Yet in 1989, I was already in my second year of confinement. Back then I was confined inside the high walls of the United States Penitentiary in Atlanta. You may be surprised to learn that many of the prisoners in high security paid close attention to politics. The reason, of course, was that political leaders influenced the policies that governed the lives of people in prison.

As you may remember, George Herbert Walker Bush defeated Michael Dukakis in the 1988 Presidential election; the first Bush took office from Ronald Reagan in 1989. The time that I want to remind you about was President Bush’s first address to the nation from the Oval office. Hundreds of prisoners sat inside the second-floor auditorium at USP Atlanta to watch President Bush’s televised discussion.

The purpose of President Bush’s speech was to warn Americans of the biggest threat facing America. He held up a bag of cocaine and said that the drugs he was holding had been purchased just a few blocks away from the White House. President Bush warned that it wasn’t only drugs that was threatening America, but an entire crime wave that threatened every citizen. He urged Congress to get tough on crime. Congress responded.

There is a long history of hysteria influencing legislation in this country and around the world. As recently as two weeks ago, I read an article in the USA Today newspaper indicating that in 1954, our nation faced a hysteria over comic books. Leaders in society were convinced that comic books threatened the values of our country; they were turning children into incorrigible juvenile delinquents. Legislators held hearings and put pressure on comic book artists and publishers. Soon there were rules that prohibited comic books from depicting law enforcement, courts, or any part of the establishment in a demeaning way.

That may seem crazy in today’s world of violent video games and other content that has become so much a part of our society. Yet history shows that legislation and acceptance follows leadership. People have a tendency to act without thinking when leaders ask.

Look back further in world history. Some people in this room may be familiar with the Grand Inquisition, which resulted in tens of thousands losing their lives through hideous torture because those in power felt challenged by contrary beliefs. We can look at Salem witch trials that occurred much earlier in our country. Why? Because leaders felt threatened and needed a cause to unite the people, and sometimes leaders rely on fear and hatred to unite.

When President Bush held up that bag of cocaine in the Oval office for all Americans to see, he ignited a panic across our great land. Suddenly, Americans feared the great crime wave. Congress responded by passing legislation that showed how tough those leaders were on crime. The new laws did not only have an influence on people convicted of drug offenses. Every person in prison suffered.

Legislation that passed in 1984 had already abolished parole and decimated opportunities to earn good time. President Bush’s speech, however, persuaded Congress to do more. The Congress passed legislation that would prohibit prisoners from funding college educations with Pell grants. It took away funding programs to assist people upon release. The nation became much more punitive. No matter how tough legislators made laws and the conditions of confinement, American citizens were hungry for more.

The mood of the country then was somber, at least as related to those who had been convicted of breaking laws. Administrators of these prisons imposed the will of the people. No one wanted to risk being labeled “soft on crime” by arguing that people in prison needed programs to emerge successfully. The lust was for punishment, punishment, punishment. Society wanted its pound of flesh.

No one questioned what the costs of this lust for punishment would be, neither in human nor in financial terms. People did not ask whether the draconian approach to criminal justice was right. Legislators had passed the laws, and that settled all discussion on the matter.

Of course our country has a history of accepting laws, regardless of whether those laws are right. Everyone in this room knows that at one time our laws approved slavery as being right. In fact, our country’s original Constitution held that some people only counted as three-fifths of a human being. Yet many citizens were loathe to question or change such deplorable positions.

Other bad laws included the Alien and Sedition Act that President John Adams passed to quell dissent. Under those laws, anyone who expressed dissent from government leadership was vulnerable to prosecution and time in prison. Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or other right-wing fanatics would not have been able to avoid the penitentiary if those laws remained on our books.

At various times in our history, Congress had passed laws that made it a crime to drink alcohol, or for women to vote. Those laws, I remind you, were rooted in public hysteria that was once launched by leadership. Voters accepted them without question. Such was the same response to George Bush’s call for tougher rather than smarter approaches to crime.

Well, gentlemen, we are no longer in 1989. America’s citizens are no longer willing to accept those simple-minded responses to criminal justice. In fact, some of America’s most influential scholars and leaders began calling for change a few years ago. In 2003, at a conference before the American Bar Association, Justice Anthony Kennedy of the U.S. Supreme Court gave a keynote address on the ineffective reliance on our nation’s prison system. He said that our resources were being misspent, our punishments were too severe, and that our sentences were too long.

In 2004, during his State of the Union speech, the current President Bush spoke about the need for legislation that would help released offenders re-enter society. A wave of studies were then published that urged legislators to change the way our system operated.

Two of the most recent studies that have been widely cited include the one titled Unlocking America, and another known as The Pew Report. Both of those studies were presented by some of America’s leading penologists. Some statistics that I extricated from those reports follow:

* In 1970, our country incarcerated fewer than 200,000 people.

* In 2007, we incarcerated more than 2.3 million people.

*Our nation processes more than 10 million people into jails and prisons each year. 

* Americans serve sentences that are significantly longer than anywhere else in the world.

* Our nation pays more than $60 billion per year to confine our prisoners, more than $200 billion per year to fund our criminal justice system.

The Pew Report held that 1 in every 53 people in their 20s was behind bars. That same report held that 1 in every 36 Hispanic men over 18 was incarcerated; for black men that number climbed to 1 in every 15. Between the ages of 20 to 34, 1 in every 9 black men was in prison. Overall, 1 in every 99 U.S. adults was incarcerated.

These numbers come at an extraordinary cost. In Oregon, for example, 11 cents of every dollar in the state’s general fund is spent on corrections. While prison funds have escalated, American investment in education has not kept pace. In fact, our nation’s lust to punish over the past 30 years has boosted budgets on prison spending far beyond that of any other programs.

Some may ask why, or how this spending grew so out of control. As I mentioned at the beginning of this speech, my observations suggest that tougher punishments had roots in claims from our leadership that America faced a crime wave. By holding up that bag of cocaine in the Oval office, and using his awesome influence to tell Americans that we needed to toughen up on crime, President Bush launched the War-on-Crime lobby. They argued for harsh mandatory punishments to incapacitate, deter, and punish. Broadcasters recognized that reporting on crime drew large audiences, and so crime reports led the news. Soon contractors and suppliers of these prisons began arguing for more government spending to fund the prison boom. Our nation’s leadership had spread misconceptions that drove a perfect storm for the imprisonment binge.

That growth in our prison system, however, came with consequences. People in prison couldn’t support their children. Prisons alienated offenders from their communities. Those who returned to society struggled to overcome the stigma of incarceration. Tough treatment resulted in a cycle of recidivism.

America is now taking notice of the ineffectiveness of our criminal justice system. Every day, media reports are showing that the approach of the past 20 years has cost too much, in terms of both financial dollars and human lives. The hysteria to confine is dead. Americans are now calling for a smarter approach to the criminal justice system, and the Second Chance Act of 2007 represents the first Bill of prison and sentence reform; I expect that we will see many more in the years to come.

From a personal perspective, I can tell you all that this is a huge change. As I have published in the various books that I have written, prison administrators have told me in the past that they had no interest in steps I was taking to prepare for a law-abiding life upon release. Their only concern was the security of the institution. This historic legislation, however, will change that mission. Now, Congress is demanding that prison administrators prepare offenders for re-entry.

I am optimistic because Congress has published some categorical statements with this Act. In fact, the stated purpose of the Act is to “Break the cycle of recidivism.”

Further, the Act proposes “to rebuild ties between offenders and their families, while offenders are incarcerated… to promote stable families and communities.” To me, this means huge changes are to come.

From a political perspective, I also am encouraged by the promising candidacy of Barack Obama. My hopes are that he will win the White House, as I am convinced that he offers the most hope for a new style of leadership. With Obama, the chances for prison reform increase exponentially. In a speech he delivered in Philadelphia, Senator Obama spoke about the importance of prison ministries. He spoke about young men languishing in our prisons without hope or prospects for the future. He spoke about ensuring fairness in our criminal justice system. That is the type of leadership I want to govern our country, and I am convinced that Obama will do more to unite this nation than any President since Lincoln.

Those are the reasons that I stand before you with optimism today. Although the Second Chance Act of 2007 may not provide us with a get-out-of-jail-free card, or give us $200 when we pass “Go,” it is a start in the direction toward real prison reform. That gives me hope.

Personally, I am nearly finished with my sentence. But after 21 years in prison, I still feel a connection with every other man in confinement. I may not receive much benefit from the prison reform that I am predicting, but I feel as if I am brother with each of you. I know the struggles of living in separation from those I love. I know the struggles of preparing for meaningful lives. Yet I feel a great sense of hope that the people who are beginning long sentences today will see significant change within the next three years.

With the Second Chance Act, some of the immediate benefits include more access to halfway house, and the possibility of release to home confinement for elderly offenders. More important to me, however, was the expanded duties of prison administrators. Congress has recognized the importance of family ties. Specifically, the Act found evidence to suggest that inmates who are connected to their children and families were more likely to avoid incidents, and that released prisoners cited family support as the most important factors in helping them stay out of prison. Because Congress also found that families were an often underutilized resource in the re-entry process, my hopes are that administrators will institute more opportunities for those of us in prison to nurture closer family and community ties.

In an effort to help administrators understand how they could expand programs to implement the will of Congress, I offered suggestions to the warden at Taft Camp and to administrators in Washington. To nurture closer family ties, I wrote, administrators ought to expand access to visiting. They should eliminate the 300-minute telephone restriction, or in the alternative, they should encourage inmates to earn supplemental phone and visiting privileges through good behavior and program participation. They should introduce the inmate e-mail program to all prisons. Inmates ought to earn access to furloughs through objective means, and eligible inmates ought to have the ability to attend academic or vocational programs on campus at local colleges. Further, inmates ought to be able to sit on a guidance committee through which they can make suggestions to administrators that would help inmates preserve and nurture community ties.

Rather than continuing to govern prisons in a manner that conditioned inmates to fail upon release, I am optimistic that the Second Chance Act of 2007 will push administrators to implement helpful programs. In fact, the legislation requires the Director of the Bureau of Prisons to report to Congress regularly; he must describe steps he is taking to reduce recidivism. That is an obligation that has not existed before, and it bodes well for every individual serving time in America.

That is my take on this historic legislation. It is the reason that I am so optimistic for additional legislation on prison reform in years to come.

First Quarter Report

Taft Prison Camp
March 31, 2008

I began 2008, my 21st year of imprisonment, with a high degree of optimism. Now that we’ve moved beyond the first three months of this year, I feel better than ever.

I keep track of my daily progress by recording my activities in a weekly planner. When this year began, I knew that we would have several events to help the time pass faster. This being an election year, my daily entries show that I’ve been following the primary elections closely. I subscribe to several news magazines to keep me current with political events, and most evenings I watch the national television news or list to reports on NPR. This year there has been so much to follow.

As a long-term prisoner, I am especially hopeful that Barack Obama wins the White House. After the first three months of the year, his candidacy is the strongest, despite recent controversy over remarks from his former pastor. With Obama, I am convinced that America would end Bush’s war in Iraq, bring health care to all Americans, enjoy a better economy, and perhaps most important on a personal level, move toward real and meaningful prison reform.

Besides the legislation that an Obama Presidency may inspire, I’m pleased to see that the 2008 Congress has passed The Second Chance Act of 2007. According to a press release from the Bill’s sponsor, Representative Danny Davis, President Bush will sign this Bill into law at a signing ceremony on April 9, 2008. To me, this historic legislation bodes well for the possibility of programs that will enable those of us in confinement to build stronger ties to family and community. I have written an article and a speech that describes why the Second Chance Act encourages me. Readers who are interested may review those writings.

This quarter has given me several speaking opportunities as well. In mid-February I was able to travel to Bakersfield with our outreach program to speak with at-risk adolescents about the perils of criminal lifestyles. Besides that outing, I enjoyed the privilege of making presentations to audiences here at Taft Camp. In one speech, I spoke about the development of leadership skills and in another I described the Second Chance Act from a historical perspective.

Speaking before large groups opens opportunities to build upon skills that will help my transition to society. I value those opportunities and devote scores of hours to preparation. For my speech on leadership I pulled information from several books that I recently read, and for my speech on the Second Chance Act I took detailed notes from many sources. After writing each speech, I practiced my delivery, devoting many hours in an effort to come across in a lucid, polished manner. Regardless of what career I pursue upon release, I am convinced that the development of effective communication skills will prove a valuable resource.

To that end, and as I outlined in my goals at the beginning of this year, I devote a significant amount of time to reading and writing each day. In the first quarter I read 12 books, each of which had a direct influence on my preparations for release. I’ve written a brief report on each book I read, and for some of those books I recorded detailed notes that will advance my writing projects.

I also spent hundreds of hours writing a new manuscript. Previously I wrote about that book with a working title 25 Years to the Door. I have written three versions of an opening sequence for that memoir. Each version had at least 15,000 words, but none satisfied me. I chucked them all. This memoir will be an important component of my release plan. Since I will not submit the manuscript for publication until I am much closer to release, I intend to continue working on the manuscript with hopes of creating a compelling memoir. I have changed the title, though, to The 45-Year Gift.

My exercise has been progressing in accordance with the schedule I set. In early March, I attempted to add evening tennis games to my routine. On my second night of playing, however, I snapped the muscle in my right calf. That injury has been plaguing me since. The pain put an immediate suspension to tennis. Worse than the loss of tennis games, it stopped my ability to run on the track. The pain is too severe. Fortunately, I’ve been able to exercise by running on the elliptical machine and exercise with the stair climber; as long as there is no heavy impact, I’m able to keep up with my goal of logging more than 40 miles each week, and more than seven hours of weekly exercise. My weight remains constant between 173 and 176 pounds.

In light of the Second Chance Act, I expect release to a halfway house no later than August of 2012. Release could possibly come as early as 2011, depending on a decision from the parole board. If Obama wins the Presidency, I anticipate prison reform could result in my release as soon as 2010. Because of these developments, my wife and I have had to make adjustments to our plans for my release.

Carole graduates from nursing school in May. Our original plans had been for her to continue advancing her professional credentials, however, as a consequence of my anticipated earlier release, Carole and I have decided that we should change those plans. Rather than continuing with another year of schooling, Carole will sit for the board exams to provide her with nationally recognized nursing credentials, followed by relocation to Kern County. That way, she can begin working and contributing to a savings plan that will help my transition to society. Her relocation will ease her commute for weekly visits as well.

I am immensely proud of both Carole and our daughter Nichole. Together we have set a plan in place, and this June Nichole will graduate one year ahead of schedule from high school while Carole brings more stability to our family with her nursing degree. We’re all enthusiastic about the opportunities we will open through the remainder of 2008 and beyond. The hefty monetary fine I received at sentencing in 1988 expired during the month of March, so Carole and I are free to make progress toward our financial security. Life is really moving forward in meaningful ways as I finish these final years in confinement.

Although I expect legislative changes that could advance my release date, the bottom line is that I have nearly 21 years of imprisonment behind me. I am moving closer to home, and I feel better than ever. The support I receive from so many is a blessing, and for that I am grateful.

As part of Oprah’s online class, my wife and I are working through Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, together by reading and answering the weekly workbook questions. Following are my answers to the questions posed in the Chapter Two workbook:

Pay attention to any repetitive thought patterns, particularly negative ones about yourself, your life, or other people. Write down any such repetitive thought patterns that you detect.

I’ve looked at this question for a while, and feel that my response may be different from most others. The 20-plus years that I have served in prison have conditioned me in ways that are different from people who live without so many restrictions. In order to endure this separation from society and from the people I love, I have had to purge negative thoughts. The alternative would have been to drown in negativity of confinement. God blessed me with a power to forgive and a power to understand the motivations of others. That has helped me transcend the limitations of this artificial world. Because the only repetitive thought patterns that flow through my mind are positive, I have been able to feel grateful for the blessings in my life. That adjustment has enabled me to progress through my prison term productively and grow in myriad ways. Although I began serving this term when I was 23, I now have educational credentials, a wide network of support, and a magnificent marriage that I work to nurture every day. None of those blessings would have been possible unless I was able to purge negative thoughts from my mind. A positive disposition and optimism has helped me grow.

Do certain things induce a subtle feeling of importance or superiority? Do you casually mention things you own or show them off to increase your sense of worth?

As a prisoner, I do not own much of anything in the way of material possessions. That said, I feel a sense of distinction, or superiority, because of credentials I have earned and accomplishments I have made. I seek and create opportunities where I can speak in front of an audience. This speaking is part of my ongoing effort to prepare for release. When I speak, I frequently authenticate myself by mentioning that I have earned two university degrees, that I have published six books, that national publications cite my work, and that I have a thriving marriage. Part of the reason I say such things is that I want my audience to believe in me, but another part, on a more base level, is to convince my audience that I am different from others who have served so much time. It’s been an ego booster, one that this book and others I am reading have made me conscious about.

Does the lack of them make you feel inferior to others who have more than you? Do you feel resentful and somehow diminished in your sense of self?

Since I do not live in a world of material possessions, I am not deluged with images of what I’m missing. In prison, we’re all living with the same conditions. We wear the same clothes, sleep in similar quarters, and eat the same food. None of us have homes or cars to show off, at least not that we can see. In this world, my focus is more on how I distinguish myself with what I achieve in my world rather than what I accumulate. Still, achievements can feed the ego just as well as possessions and I recognize the importance of guarding against arrogance or vanity. This is an area in which I must work.

“There are people who have renounced all possessions but have a bigger ego than some millionaires. If you take away one kind of identification, the ego will quickly find another.” What do you think this means?

As I wrote in response to question two and three, my own ego has relied upon any and every distinction I could acquire, as I wanted to distinguish myself from other prisoners. I have felt as if my identity has been ripped away with my prison sentence, and the responsibility has been mine to create an identity that would imply I am more than a prisoner. Possessions may not have been the source of my ego, though my ego, or arrogance at times, has been substantial. These spiritual readings have helped me identify more with the world around me and with my responsibility to live as one with all living beings.

“Close your eyes for a moment and see if you can feel the life energy inside your hands. This is your “inner body.” Record your experiences.

This habit of feeling my inner body has been a technique I have relied upon over the years to pull through difficult times. When stressful situations arise, I can cope sometimes by thinking about all of the inner workings of my body. I can focus on a minute part, like my toenail, or one of the hairs on my chest. By training my mind to focus all of thoughts there, I can come back to a more balanced state. It is helpful at night, too, when I am struggling with insomnia.

Many people try to fill their life with food, drink, drugs, or other addictive behavior. The next time you find yourself reaching for something you think you want, get in touch with your inner body and see what happens. Record your experiences here.

Again, this freedom to reach out to satisfy the “need for more” is not really an issue for a long-term prisoner. I am not able to rely on such superfluous luxury, as living in prison really limits me. Perhaps I should reserve my response for this question when I am released, and when I will have to contend with an insatiable urge to reach for more with my wife. Yet after 20 years of imprisonment, I do not think that I will resist the urge and rely on my essence identity. No, I’m quite sure I’ll be reaching for my wife.

Have you had an experience of loss that you resisted? Have you had an experience of loss that you yielded to? What happened?

When I was 23 years old I lost my freedom. I have been imprisoned for nearly 21 years because of my criminal convictions. Yet I found it therapeutic to yield to the loss, to accept that I had broken laws and that no one was responsible for my predicament besides me. I had made the decision to sell cocaine as a younger man, and the responsibility was mine to respond to the sanction. Because I did not resist, I was able to feel my consciousness open. That adjustment was what enabled me to focus on a strategy to emerge from this sentence stronger. My surrendering made it natural for me to forgive, accept, embrace. I could confront challenges with more confidence, feeling certain they were strengthening me. Even now, as I look back on all of the years that I have served, I can say that my yielding to my loss has been of immense help to my adjustment.

March 20, 2008

I recently received a wonderful letter from a young college student who is studying criminal justice in Michigan. He was assigned to read one of the books I wrote, and he asked a few questions that I thought readers of my Blog might have an interest in. Accordingly, I am posting his insightful questions along with my responses for all to read.

(1) How would your sentence differ if you had the eligibility for parole?

The U.S. Congress abolished parole for all federal offenses committed after November 1, 1987. My criminal conduct precedes that date, but because of my having been convicted of the Kingpin statute, I have a sentence that is only partially eligible for parole. Specifically, I have 43-years of a non-paroleable sentence which is followed with a consecutive two-year sentence; I am eligible for parole on that two-year sentence. Essentially, that means I must serve the 43-year sentence. With reductions I am earning for abiding by all prison rules (good time provisions), I expect to complete the requirements of that 43-year sentence in December of 2011. With good time, I am required to serve a bit longer than 24 years on that sentence. After I complete those 24 years, then I must serve another eight months of the two-year sentence before I can be eligible for parole.

I know the sentence sounds confusing. The good time and parole eligibility complicates it and only people who live through the system understand it. But if I did not have those sentences that preclude me from access to parole, I would have been eligible for release long ago.

Although parole was discontinued for new-law offenders (after 11/01/87), when parole existed, offenders were required to serve one-third of the sentence in prison, and the remaining two-thirds in the community on .parole. It meant that offenders on parole were required to work, maintain stability, and adhere to conditions as set by the court and the parole officer. Offenders with sentences in excess of 30 years (even if they had life), became eligible for parole after the service of 10 years. So, theoretically, if I did not have the type of offense that limited my access to parole, I would have been eligible for release in 1997, when I had completed 10 years. By then I had earned both an undergraduate and a graduate degree, had clean disciplinary conduct and a record of contributions. I think those distinctions would have made me a good candidate for release on parole. Yet because of my convictions, I expect to serve between three and five more years in prison, despite my already having completed nearly 21 years in prison.

Despite the lengthy period of time that I am serving, I feel grateful for the opportunities I have had to grow. That may sound crazy, and I recognize that others may think me “institutionalized.” I am eager to resume my life in the world, though I feel fortunate for the blessings I have received.

(2) Do you think all prisoners should have a chance of parole?

Yes, I think our enlightened society would benefit much more if it encouraged offenders to earn their way to freedom. A parole system would make that possible. As the system currently stands, administrators focus on warehousing individuals. This system measures justice by the turning of calendar pages. Yet recidivism rates show that long sentences do not necessarily make society safer. Instead, we ought to use all of our limited resources with wisdom. And long-term imprisonment without incentive does not prepare individuals to live as contributing, law-abiding citizens.

With a parole system that offered prisoners an objective way to earn freedom through merit, administrators could instill hope and encourage prisoners to empower themselves. I am a firm believer in earning freedom, though this system offers no mechanism through which an individual can distinguish himself in a formal, positive way. That is a tragedy, one that makes for bad public policy. In fact, I refer you to the Pew Report, which shows the influence of this no-parole system. Our country now incarcerates more than 1 in 100 Americans, and that is an appalling statistic.

(3) Could you please ask other prisoners about their interactions with parole officers?

As I mentioned above, the federal prison system does not offer parole to individuals who were convicted of offenses after 11/01/87. I currently am incarcerated at the Federal Prison Camp in Taft, California and we do not have any offenders here who are eligible for parole. In fact, no one in this prison has served as many years I have served. Thus I cannot speak with anyone here about parole because that system is not available to anyone here. Although I assure you, every prisoner here wishes he had access to relief through parole.

(4) What programs are most successful to people on parole?

Although parole is not currently available in the federal prison system, many state prison systems make use of parole. The most successful programs would be those that prepare offenders for satisfying employment. When an offender has the qualifications for fulfilling work, he develops a vested interest in remaining in society as a contributing citizen. I have interviewed and written about people who returned to prison after a failed release on parole, and the overwhelming reason cited was that they could not find a place for themselves in society. For parole to operate effectively, individuals must buy-in to our American way of life. Accordingly, the parole system should offer programs that encourage that buy-in. In addition to employment preparation, effective programs ought to help individuals conquer their substance abuse problems. Further, I am convinced that the parole system ought to work closely with prison administrators in encouraging prisoners to build and nurture community ties. Too many people leave these boundaries with unstable or unreliable networks of support, and after decades in prison, that would not bode well for success.

(5) Why do long-term prisoners prefer to stay incarcerated?

Other than those who are unstable mentally, or those who have served so much time that they no longer have any ties to society, I think that most prisoners want to be released. The problem is that once long-term prisoners are released, many find that they are no longer capable of functioning in society. They learned to live in prison, and while doing so, they learned to fail in society.

When an individual serves 20 years or longer inside prison, he becomes accustomed to the routine. That individual builds personal relationships and settles into a routine that becomes a part of existence. Upon release, that routine would not be available. He would have to provide for his own shelter, and maintain his own affairs. These people frequently have reached an advanced age and they lack the skills to function. They have no money, no friends, no real prospects for viable employment. Whereas they had a degree of stability in prison, and a social circle that related to them, in society they are alone and rejected. Those individuals sometimes find it preferable to return to prison.

I am nearly complete with 21 years of prison, and as I wrote above, I expect to serve between three and five more years. Because I knew that I would serve a long term, I have worked hard to prepare myself for release. Despite the decades I have served, I feel confident that I am well prepared to overcome the obstacles and challenges that will follow my release. The work on my Web site describes all of the preparations that I have made, and I assure that my efforts continue.

I appreciate this opportunity to respond to your questions. Should any more questions follow, be sure that I will respond with openness.

March 14, 2008

We’ve reached a much better time to begin serving a prison sentence. That may sound ridiculous to the casual reader, the normal person who doesn’t believe there is ever a good time to begin a prison term. I am speaking relatively. The time is much better than 1987, when I began serving my sentence.

In 1987, our country was implementing much more punitive policies. More people were being locked into the system, and changes in good-time policies, along with the abolition of parole and longer sentences meant that fewer people were being released. New sentencing laws meant that offenders without histories of violence and who had been convicted of crimes against the public order with consenting adults could serve life terms. As a consequence of those changes, our prison population levels soared. After more than 20 years of such policies, we now incarcerate more than 1 in 100 Americans. Among minorities, the ratio is much higher. For black males between the ages of 18 and 34, the recently published Pew Report shows that 1 in 9 are incarcerated.

For the first time since my own term began, the media is publishing story after story about the absurdity and waste of these lengthy sentences. Change is coming, of that I am convinced. The Second Chance Act is only the beginning. If Obama wins the White House, I expect that prison reform will become a priority. By incarcerating so many offenders, many of whom have no history of violence, our country wastes incredible resources.

We should use our prison resources more wisely, and in years to come, I expect that we will. I am closing in on my release date, so I do not expect to benefit from these coming changes. Yet those who are beginning lengthy sentences in this new political climate can expect to see new opportunities to advance their release dates. Within three years, by 2011, I expect we will see significant reforms, perhaps even a return to parole. If not parole, then legislators may implement other opportunities for offenders to advance their release dates through merit.

Those who are coming into this system now ought to position themselves to receive the most benefit from these coming changes. They should refrain from behavior that can lead to disciplinary infractions, as prison records will play a huge role in qualifying for relief. Further, new prisoners should participate actively in every type of program that can further the argument that the individual is preparing for a law-abiding life upon release.

Besides earning every credential possible, I suggest that new prisoners keep a journal that documents progress. The tri-part strategy that has guided me through more than 20 years in prison required that I focus on educational development, building a strong network of support, and community contributions. That focus has worked for me, and I am convinced it can help incoming prisoners position themselves for the relief that ought to become available before 2011.

As part of Oprah’s online class, my wife and I are working through Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, together by reading and answering the weekly workbook questions. Following are my answers to the questions posed in the Chapter One workbook:

Why did you decide to read this book?

My wife, Carole, sent me Eckhart Tolle’s book A New Earth. I chose to read the book for that reason. Carole and I have an unusual relationship in that I have been incarcerated for the entire duration of our marriage. We have never lived in the same house, or slept in the same bed, despite that we’ve been married for five years. Because of those complications, I deem it essential to build upon our intimacy through creative ways. One way is by writing to each other frequently, discussing our plans and constantly evaluating our progress. Yet another way is by reading books simultaneously and discussing them. Such projects give us the privilege of learning more about the other thinks.

Another project on which we worked together was Rick Warren’s book The Purpose Driven Life. I especially welcome the opportunity to explore spiritual teachings with Carole. As a prison couple, we must abide by all of the rules of the institution, which means that we have severe limitations on how much time we can spend on the telephone, and how much time we are allowed to visit. Reading a spiritual book together and participating in this opportunity to respond to the same questions allows us to know each other’s thoughts better, and the book spawns further discussions that bring the promise of more intimacy. Those are the reasons I decided to read this book: I wanted to build upon my spiritual awareness, and I welcomed the opportunity to work through a project that will bring me closer to my wife.

Are there specific areas of your life that you think will benefit from the lessons of A New Earth? How can you incorporate the book’s teachings in your life today?

Reading A New Earth will help improve my relationships and communications with others. I appreciated the lessons on what the author called our pain bodies. By understanding the connection between pain bodies and the ego, I will have more skills to recognize breakdowns in communications. In a later chapter, he suggested that we pause when our own pain bodies are activated. He also suggested that the first step toward overcoming insanity is to recognize the insanity. That same lesson can apply to our communications, as by recognizing the drive or motivation behind hurtful words helps us to give them the value they are due. We can disregard hurtful words when they are expressions of the pain body to further the ego. That lesson of understanding others is going to help my communications and interactions with others.

I can incorporate the book’s teachings into my life today in many ways. As a long-term prisoner, I’m also a teacher of others in my environment. I have taken extensive notes from the book, and I will use those notes to help spread the author’s message of peace, enlightenment, and the importance of expanding our consciousness to others around me. This work will enrich my life, my community, and contribute to this new earth we all must work together in building.

Think about the question on P.5: “Can human beings lose the density of their conditioned mind structures and become like crystals or precious stones… transparent to the light of consciousness?”

A) What makes you feel more alive and open, less dense, less bogged down by heavy thoughts and feelings?

I feel most alive and open when I am working in the moment, when I am not consumed with the rigidity of my life. During those moments when my mind drifts to the 20-plus years I’ve served in prison, to the five more years I’m expected to serve, and to all of the limitations my predicament imposes upon me, that is when I feel the most bogged down with heavy thoughts and feelings. To free myself I need to let go. I become less dense, more open, when I realize the blessings of my life.

For me, the key to staying calm throughout this adversity is to focus on empowering opportunities that I can enjoy now. I find fulfillment in my writings not because of what they may bring to me or prepare me for at some point in my future. Rather, I feel as if these efforts to communicate with others are bringing meaning to my life. The thoughts that go into each sentence have a life of their own. I know that through them, I am contributing to the thoughts of others, of people I have yet to even meet. I can find peace and comfort in the act, and hope comes with it for a broader reach, or more expansive connection with others.

When I am exercising, communicating with my wife, reading or writing, I feel as if I am totally in the moment. That means I can lose the oppression that has been a part of my life since 1987. The key to feeling stronger, and I believe in willing more opportunity into our lives, is finding gratitude in the blessings we have received.

B) Could this be the beginnings of what A New Earth is pointing toward?

Yes, I think the author’s message is that we should open our minds to possibilities of what we can become rather than accepting the concrete structures that others have poured. We need to be realistic about where we are in life, but we cannot dismiss optimism, enthusiasm, and passion for what we can become. As human beings expand their levels of consciousness and tolerance, we will give life to this new earth and realize more fully our connection with God and all of God’s creations.

Spend some time in the presence of something you consider beautiful-a flower, a gem, a piece of artwork. As you look at the object, try to see it without naming it mentally. When we appreciate beauty in this manner, a window opens into the formless and into a state of gratitude. See if you can experience that. Write your experiences here:

Every day I walk out of the concrete and steel building in which I am confined. After descending the stairs, I walk along a white concrete pathway that cuts across a lush green lawn. I come to a dirt running track and take my first steps on what is usually a ten-mile run. As I’m running, I completely lose sight and perception of where I am. During those moments I am not in prison at all. Instead, I am in the midst of God’s abundance and all of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. I feel as if I am free during those exercise periods, as if I am exactly where I am supposed to be. That is the state of gratitude that carries me through every day, week, month, year, and decade of separation from those I love. Because I can see and feel so much beauty around me, I always feel a sense of empowerment, as if more will soon come my way and the way of those around me.

Do you consider yourself a religious person? What about a spiritual person? Is there a difference between the two?

I do not consider myself a religious person because I do not abide by the rituals or hold all the beliefs of organized religion. I find it inconceivable that God would not listen to a prayer because a person isn’t facing the “right” direction, because he hasn’t eaten the “right” food, or because he hasn’t work the right clothing. Similarly, I cannot believe that our all-loving God would condemn a person to a lifetime of damnation and torture. That seems preposterous to my understanding of love and forgiveness; frankly, it sounds much more like something that would have come from the cult of the Republican Party. Because I believe in a much more inclusive and tolerant love, my faith is much more “spiritual” than religious.

As a person who strives to build upon his spiritual awareness, I find many of the Eastern teachings more consistent with the faith inside of me. Culturally I feel Christian, and I find myself praying to both Jesus and God without distinction. Yet theologically, I know that my beliefs are not consistent with the teachings of Christianity. I am convinced that God invites and encourages many pathways to providence. Because I reject the concept of Hell and damnation, I cannot say that I buy into the religious doctrines of my youth. At the same time, I pray many times every day and feel God working within me. That makes me spiritual and eager to grow closer to God. The difference between religion and spirituality, to me, is that as a spiritual person, an individual is not limited to all of the rigid rules and dogmas and cults that organized religions dictate. The spiritual person strives to understand the oneness with God and rejects the judgmental approach of religions.

“Humanity is now faced with a stark choice: Evolve or die… If the structures of the human mind remain unchanged, we will always end up recreating the same world, the same evils, the same dysfunction” (p. 21-22).

A) Are you aware of this dysfunction?

This is the ocean of dysfunction in which I’ve been trying to swim since my imprisonment began. During my term of imprisonment I’ve read of so many world developments. I’ve read of Iraq’s invasion of Kuwait and the start of both Desert Shield and Desert Storm. I’ve read about the fall of the former Soviet Union and the Berlin Wall. In our own country, I’ve seen terrorists, both foreign and domestic, conspire to tear us apart. Recently I’ve read that more than 1 in 100 Americans are incarcerated and that the rate is more than 1 in 9 for blacks. We as a people have a dysfunctional infatuation with force, with hard power. Because of our intolerance, we see the structures of the human mind unchanged, and we recreate the same struggle, the same evils, and the same unhappiness.

B) Where is it most apparent in your own life and in the world?

As a prisoner, the love for hard power and control and rigidity is a part of my daily life. Administrators do not question whether it is right to keep a nonviolent, contributing person incarcerated for bad decisions he made more than 20 years ago; they say that justice requires more than five more years to pass. The concept seems absurd and ridiculous to me, a continuing thread of the rigid and dysfunctional practices of our so-called enlightened, kinder, and gentler land of second chances. It is in my everyday life that this dysfunction is most apparent.

In the world, I see it most apparent in the sphere of politics. Although our leaders are supposed to be advancing these thoughts and leading us to new and better lives, the leaders in power concern themselves with preserving the status quo. They thrive on perpetuating a system that brings about the same dysfunction.

C) Do you think humanity is ready for a transformation of consciousness?

Yes, I certainly feel as if we are in a time of transformation. I am especially optimistic with the hope that comes from the possibility of a Barack Obama Presidency. His leadership is inspiring our citizens to question the dysfunction that has become endemic to our society. As of this writing, he has not secured the nomination of the Democratic Party, much less won the White House. Nevertheless, the hope that he has inspirited is promising and I am confident that it shows humanity is growing more receptive to the possibility for this transformation of consciousness.

March 11, 2008

At Taft Camp, as has been the case in any other federal prison where I’ve been held, I am responsible for creating my own opportunities to grow. My motivation is not to earn any meaningless certificates, or even to ignite hopes of advancing my release date. I strive for improvement because I find fulfillment in these preparations I make for the life I want to lead upon release.

Since I aspire to build a career in communications, preferably as a speaker, consultant, and writer, I must look for every opening to practice my craft. I spend several hours every day writing on my ongoing projects, and I devote time each week to helping other prisoners figure out strategies to use their time wisely. Speaking opportunities come less frequently, yet I’ve been successful in finding forums that allow me to write, practice, and deliver presentations in front of live–albeit captive–audiences.

This past week I wrote a speech that I called On Leadership. Some may find it presumptuous that a man who has been incarcerated since 1987 would have anything to offer on the subject of leadership. That was part of the challenge. This being a camp that holds many well-educated, white-collar offenders, with several former CEOs among us, I knew that some in my audience would question my qualifications to speak on such a topic. Many hours of preparation, however, imbued me with confidence. I felt a real sense of enthusiasm as I spread the lessons I have learned from my study of leadership.

I opened the speech with a disclaimer. Although I have not held formal positions of leadership, I explained, the study of leadership has helped me navigate my way through more than 20 years of confinement. By committing to the principles of leadership I have captained my own ship through the storms of adversity. Despite prolonged imprisonment, I have educated myself; I have earned an income and paid taxes; I have built a network of support; and most importantly, I have nurtured a thriving marriage. The study of leadership has propelled me to success in my environment. I felt a charge of energy as I related the ways that applying leadership principles could help those in my audience reach their fullest potential inside the boundaries of Taft Camp and beyond.

I structured the 40-minute speech in three sections. After discussing the importance of applying leadership principles to our own lives, I summarized what I had learned from three books I recently read on the subject. The first book was What Got You Here Won’t Get You There. Then I discussed Launching a Leadership Revolution. Finally, I presented some salient points from Leadership Therapy: Inside The Mind of Microsoft. Following the book summaries, I brought the message home by showing how those in my audience could profit from those lessons today, in practical ways. Specifically, I suggested five areas in which they could grow, including 1) intellectual development; 2) physical well being; 3) financial stability; 4) emotional balance; and finally, 5) spiritual awareness.

Following the prepared portion of the presentation, I invited those in the audience to question me. In so doing, I opened an opportunity to practice quick thinking with extemporaneous responses. Those are the types of experiences that allow me to achieve multiple goals. By preparing, practicing, and delivering speeches, I am able to share information with those in this community; I am able to develop communication skills further; and I am able to prepare in meaningful ways for the career I want to lead upon release.

Living in prison is not so different from confronting other adversities. We can overcome limitations or complications by being very realistic about where we are. At the same time, we must live with optimism and enthusiasm with where we are going. We must believe, believe, believe. Then we must create our own opportunities to success.

For the first time since 1987, I left prison to participate in a community service program. More than 246 months had passed since I walked in society. The sensations surprised me. They began soon after I walked out of the Taft camp and sat in the back seat of a van that our staff sponsor drove to Bakersfield.

The program in which I was participating goes by the acronym TOAD, which stands for Those Outspoken Against Drugs. TOAD is an outreach program through which inmate participants at the federal prison speak to at-risk adolescents about the perils of criminal lifestyles. Leaders of the Taft Correctional Institution make TOAD available to organizations in Kern County. TOAD participants hope to help others make more responsible decisions and avoid altercations with the criminal justice system.

Mr. Andrew Griffin, a substance abuse counselor at the Taft prison, coordinates and sponsors the group of ten inmate participants in TOAD. Five other TOAD members were with me as Griff drove us from Taft to the alternative school in Bakersfield where we were scheduled to make two presentations.

During the 20-plus years I had served in prison, I rarely had an opportunity to move or travel at a pace faster than my legs could carry me. I was unprepared for the stop-and-go motions of traveling through Bakersfield streets, or the visual of city traffic speeding in opposite lanes toward our vehicle. They felt like an onslaught, as if I were under attack in the midst of a graphic video game. I had not eaten before leaving the prison camp, though I still couldn’t control the upheaval from motion sickness in my stomach. Fortunately, I moved up to the front seat where I rolled down the window and stuck my head outside to combat the nausea and vertigo.

When Griff parked the van, I stepped outside, still dizzy from the ride. Then another sensation came over me. I realized that I was many miles from prison boundaries, and no one had reason to consider me as anything other than a fellow human being. They did not know I was a prisoner, though I did not feel at ease. Too much time had passed since I had walked on city streets. I felt as if my wife should have been with me, yet there I stood, on the sidewalks of Bakersfield, without her. I missed the comfort her presence brings when she is with me.

The other TOAD members and I walked into the lobby of the school, and after a few minutes of polite introduction, a school counselor escorted our group into an auditorium. Once inside, I began to feel more at ease. The institutional setting was an environment I had grown used to over the past two decades, but this time our group had a different standing. In that school, rather than prisoners being watched, we stood before the audience as contributors who were deserving of attention and respect.

Griff introduced us, then each TOAD member spoke for between 15 and 20 minutes, describing the decisions we had made that led us to prison. Students and teachers alike listened intently, appreciating the insight we were providing into the consequences of criminal behavior. We not only told of our own experiences, but we performed a skit to show how the behavior of reckless adolescence could lead to criminal prosecution and lengthy prison terms. We spoke about prison life and expressed the importance of education. Our objective was to help the members of our audience see the value of their schooling, and the reasons why they should avoid criminal lifestyles.

Following our second presentation, we piled back into the van and buckled up for the long drive back to the prison camp in Taft. I felt more settled on the drive back and could take in the surroundings more easily. Griff described the growth of Bakersfield while I tried to process all the action outside the vehicle. Life was moving at a much faster pace than anything I had known since 1987. I didn’t realize how conditioned I had become to prison. The only peace I saw was a man who seemed to be enjoying himself while fishing alone on the bank of a lake.

I don’t know whether administrators will grant me the privilege of stepping into society again, as I am scheduled to serve about five more years before release, but as I settled back into the camp I realized the value of TOAD. It offers a great experience, one that benefits both society and participants. TOAD helped our audience by providing valuable information, and it gave long-term prisoners like me a glimpse of the world to which we were striving to return.

Those interested in coordinating a visit from TOAD should contact Mr. Andrew Griffin, Substance Abuse Coordinator at Taft Correctional Institution.